Will you join me on my journey?
November 30, 2007
Dear Companion,
A friend suggested to me last Sunday that I should put on record what I am experiencing. This resonates with other ideas I have which will be explained at the end of this letter; but to begin with I want to be REAL with you.
I awoke very scared the night after I received the news. ‘Abnormalities’ have been found on my liver and within my omentum. As I write now, at 2.04am. ten days later, I wrestle with competing inner voices. My professional voice has begun to prepare clients for the Unknown within the format of me having ‘investigations’. In response to this, one person this evening said of the importance of staying positive. Yet, as with the photo above, it is the play between dark and light which enables the image to be read. Being only positive can be a pretence.
An honest reaction to my news is one of “horror”. I watch while others cry. My emotions are an arm’s length away, separate from me. I feel quite powerful, like a minor celebrity, “How can I help you?” they ask. This, then, is my response to that need to help. It is for me to know I have a ‘space’ here to speak and be heard, to have a dialogue with those who care, people with whom I can reach out and touch in the darkness. The ‘telling’ informs the parts of me that find cannot believe the reality of this journey I have begun.
I am listening to these ‘abnormalities’, which the medics say is “likely to be cancer”. The medics need to know its profile in order to treat it. With you, I should like to explore the meaning of these abnormalities.
What are they telling me? Gestalt therapy teaches us to give voice to the ‘Other’ in order to hear what they have to say. I say to them: “What have you to say to me, to teach me?”
I reach for words to describe this Other part of me. I hear something like: “I am the Truth you cannot resolve”. Phew! That feels better. I have spoken out the voice of my abnormalities. The journey has begun. I hope you may help me discover the Truth and in its resolution, that I may find healing?
Kind regards,
